I wish you would bear with me in a little foolishness. Do bear with me! For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or if you accept a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it readily enough. (2 Corinthians 11:1–4, ESV)

Have you ever been haunted by the feeling that you are unworthy? For me, no matter how long I have walked in the Christian faith, this feeling innately lurks and threatens to engulf me. As I look around, I see so many others who have it all together. I listen to sermons that talk about what the Christian life is supposed to look like. And I know that this is not a category I belong to. . .. Regrettably, it is true, I am unworthy, unable to meet this ideal of the Christian walk that I hear about. I am not the “Christian example” or “witness to the world” that I am told I am supposed to be.

We often hear of our need to grow in our walk as Christians to experience this thing called sanctification. We might hear someone expound on the disciplines of the faith or give us so and so many steps to growth or freedom, or this is what it means to be a Godly man or a woman, husband, wife, or parent. Or this is how to conduct business in a Christian fashion. We might be told how we must love those around us by others, with them following up, “oh, by the way here are some more practical steps on how to accomplish this.” Or we might be given a rousing sermon on the need for us to go forth into the world to preach the Gospel. And in this kind of preaching, we often see vigorous movement and passion. People take hold of this advice and apply it to their lives. There is church growth and a lot of great accomplishments. But if we are not careful there is a deeper hidden danger threatening to tear us apart.

These kinds of teachings abound with tips and advice on living the Christian life. And while there is often some value and truth in the advice that is given, the central message of the Gospel is easily missed if we are not careful. When this happens it leaves me discontented and with the stark understanding of the contrast in my own life to the message being taught. I have not lived up to nor do I feel like I can be the man I am being asked to be. I am not the man I want to be. I flounder in my attempts to live up to these standards. My heart is there, but my flesh tumbles and falls making an obvious show of my failures. And if I am honest, and compare myself to the law of God, I am an utter failure, every day, every moment, every breath. Even if I can accomplish these tasks outwardly, in my heart, I am not there. I don’t love as I ought. I don’t spend time with God as I ought. In fact, I can say with Paul, “Wretched man that I am!” And as Paul knew, I know deep down those platitudes, steps, disciplines, programs, no thing can save me from my plight. Even if I were able to accomplish all this, they don’t satisfy the deep longings in my heart for something more. Living by these standards leaves me empty. So, is there hope for me? “Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:24, emphasis mine)

Most Christian’s understand that before coming to the faith, without Christ, we were hopeless and unable to save ourselves. We heartily confess that it is by faith alone in Christ alone that we are saved. But often after coming to faith in Christ, we forget how hopeless we are, and we try to muster up our own sanctification. We have this cognitive dissonance and become foolish as we comically try to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, forgetting our helpless state without Jesus. In our pride, we want something we can call our own. And having a law or steps we can follow makes life easy. But if you have been a Christian long enough, you have seen many who lived by these kinds of standards, only to either fall or be entrapped by it. And it becomes clear that this kind of life is not the life the Gospel has called us to. For in this pursuit of good works, we have turned aside and have been led astray from the sincere and pure devotion to Jesus. Paul fights this kind of understanding of the Christian life, “O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh” (Galatians 3:1-3, ESV)? The reason this kind of pursuit fails is because, “all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, ‘Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law and do them” (3:10). If living the perfect Christian life is our goal, we will miss out on the Gospel, and we have left God to walk on our own, and we are standing on shaky ground. Tablets of stone or a set of guidelines cannot change a heart, only one who lives and acts and loves can have any effect on our hearts. When we come to him, Jesus’ love can overflow in our hearts because he lives, and he is the author and perfector of our faith. God has not called us to walk by good advice, he has called us to walk in the good news.

So how do we walk as Christians? What is sanctification? Does not Paul also say we are to turn away from sin and that we are not supposed to be like the world? Indeed, this is true, things like loving my wife and children, living in chastity, and practically loving others are good things and are important, but we do not accomplish “holiness” as the world does or as we did before we came to Christ. A man of the world can follow rules and steps to a good life, and some are quite remarkable at this, but this is not the walk God has called us to. We must take caution and not be deceived, for evil often appears to be good for us and a delight and necessary to make one wise. These steps and methods appear good, pleasant, and wise, but can lead to death. We think we are walking in good works, yet in truth these kinds of efforts are fruitless for instead of walking by the Spirit, we are walking in the flesh, in our desires, and in the pride of life. And with time this kind of “good fruit” if eaten will only become foul smelling rotten fruit and casts us away from the presence of God. What tasted good and seemed satisfying will only cause our stomachs to lurch. It will not last. And like I said before, if you have been in the Christian walk long enough, you will find that many who try to walk this way, fail. Martin Luther understood this and sang out with gusto, “Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing” (A Might Fortress is Our God). The reason following good advice, rules, or steps in the Christian faith fail are because in the end it is your own work that you are relying on. When you rely on your own effort all that you are left with is yourself and what you have accomplished. And we don’t make good and lasting foundations. We in ourselves are as wavering as the sea. We need to be astonished and pushed outside of ourselves by something far greater. We must die to ourselves. If we want eternal fruit, sanctification must be built on a stronger foundation. Keep in mind, your good works were not enough before you came to Christ, they will not be good enough after we have come to Christ. We must be careful not to be lured by craftiness or what appears to be wise. We ought not go back to our own vomit and try to present them as delicacies. We don’t have to live a façade, trying to lift ourselves up in front of the world. The Gospel message is not showing the world a “good Christian life”. This is contrary to the Gospel of Christ. Thankfully, God offers us something far more beautiful than the wisdom of this world.

Jesus spoke to our shame when he spoke to the woman at the well in John 4, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink’, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” When approached with this understanding, we are often like the woman, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?” For us this call is like trying to walk on water, it looks like it will end in utter failure. We will say, let’s be practical and keep our feet on the earth and not have our heads in the clouds. And so instead of coming to him, we continue to try to build ourselves up by our own methods and as Israel we look to others to defeat our enemy only to be pierced on the reeds we lean on. To this Jesus warns and gives assurance, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” So, what is sanctification? It is continuing our walk as we began it, completely and utterly dependent on Jesus as our source of living water. It is coming more and more to trust in the Gospel. Do we not know innately that this is the case with glorification as well.  Do we think we will be romping about around God’s throne boasting in our own merit. Of course not, we will all cast our crowns with great joy at the feet of Jesus and declare that these things we have are from him alone and to the glory of God alone. As our understanding of God’s Holiness increases, so also our understanding of our need of the Gospel and our unworthiness of it will also increase. And this understanding will fill our hearts with joy bursting forth in praise for all eternity.

And what does Paul say is the walk of a mature Christian. It is saying with Paul, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes from faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith –”(Philippians 3:8-9, ESV) He later goes on to say, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you” (12-15). The walk of maturity is not relying on our works or holiness, but a walk toward relying on Jesus and what he has done for us in the Gospel more and more.

To those who want to stand on something more earthy or want to boast in methods they have achieved, Paul in Colossians 3 writes, “Put to death therefor what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5). And what does Paul give as the power to put these earthly things to death. Is it our own efforts? Is it methods or steps? No, he tells us to look to Christ. “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden in Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4, ESV)

It is when we behold Jesus our Teacher that are idols become an abomination to us.

your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!” (Isaiah 30:20b–22, ESV)

Ah yes, there is a famous scene paraded across many videos of two people in love, or perhaps a parent and a young child, running toward each other after having been apart. If they are carrying something heavy that is slowing them down they throw it off with abandon, so they can run faster toward the one they love. Is running toward Jesus practical? I believe it is the most practical method of defeating sin. The writer of Hebrews assures us of this, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,” (Hebrews 12:1-2b, ESV). It is only in looking to and running toward Jesus that our idols truly become repugnant and loathsome. Running after the love of Jesus through faith provides the highest repulsion for sin.

As we behold the beauty of Jesus the things of this world will begin to pale in comparison. Repenting and turning away from the kingdom of darkness becomes natural when you are entranced by the beauty of the Kingdom of God. Walking in holiness is like a king spreading a banquet before ones who are used to eating odious slop and filth. When we are entranced by beauty and the savory smell of the food, it is not difficult to give up slop to revel in God’s delicacies. The Bible is clear that we do not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God, this word being Jesus. For, “this is eternal life that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3). And Jesus is the object of this feast. Jesus made it clear, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35, ESV). For he had declared, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent” (6:29). And “For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day” (6:40)

In the same way, a tree planted by water does not find it difficult to bear fruit, nor does not boast of its great ability. It is the natural outcome of its reliance on the water. When we come to Jesus, we are no longer planted in this world but are planted in Jesus. And we grow not by our own efforts, but as his love and the power of the Gospel sustains us. We are not perfect yet, nor will we be made perfect on earth, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:12, ESV). Yet he has promised that one day we will see him face to face. And it is in seeing him face to face that we will be glorified. Perfection or glorification will not come by works but will like all else come only by seeing Jesus. It is in beholding the Lamb of God, and trusting in Him, that we will be made perfect, for it is from faith to faith. “Beloved, we are now children of God, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know when Christ appears, we will be like Him, for we will see Him as He is” (1 John 3:2, ESV). To the world beholding someone is a foolish way to grow, give us a method give us some thing, but to those who wish to work to this foolishness, God says, cease your striving, while it is called Today, enter my rest, come to the one who gives life, come to Jesus.

 “God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (1 Corinthians 1:27-31, ESV).

And this is the good news, because of what Christ has done, we can come to God and come near to the throne of grace. And Jesus cries out to all those who are enveloped with shame, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, ESV).

God will not tolerate any god beside him, including self-righteousness. Do not think that the man who outwardly leads his family well and has amazing obedient children, but relies on his own effort, will have his works stand before God. No, give me a man utterly struggling in sin, but who knows his only hope is in Jesus. No one is without sin. We all struggle. There is no man, that does not fit this description. And it is the broken that understand this is who they are and their need of the Gospel. Jesus alone is the cornerstone, the sure foundation by which we stand. All things not built on this foundation will be shaken and destroyed. Let us not use the name of Jesus in vain, but solely trust in him and call upon him, trusting in his work and worth alone.

With this in mind, there is no shame, no boasting. Our greatest righteousness is filthy rags. You and I have nothing to boast of before our fellow man. Note this, Paul does not say maturity is obtaining some thing. This is important as we tend to look at outward appearances and deeds as a sign of maturity. He says maturity is our pursuit toward the goal of knowing our need for Jesus and a righteousness that comes from him alone. Maturity is pursuing someone. Jesus alone can satisfy our hunger and thirst. And Paul goes on and reveals that he has not even perfected this pursuit but is relying on the perfector of our faith to accomplish this kind of faith. This kind of walk does not cause us to focus on ourselves, evaluating whether or not we meet some standard of holiness or pursuit of Christ. We don’t have time for that, for we are looking at Jesus, trusting in him alone and not in ourselves. And the reality is as we come to know Jesus more, the more we come to understand God’s holiness, and the more we understand God’s holiness, the more we understand our unworthiness and our desperate need for the cross. It is never about us. We are fellow beggars pointing not to our goodness as an example to follow, but instead we point away from ourselves to Jesus. He alone is our hope. We no longer judge by outward appearances, nor do we concern ourselves with these trivial things. Instead in our desperate state we stand in awe of the beauty of Jesus.

Nor do we shrink back when our sin is exposed by others, but instead rejoice, for faithful and beautiful are the wounds of a friend. As there is no boasting, there is no shame. In this knowledge of our state as a “wretched man”, we can be vulnerable. Exhortation we receive, becomes an act of loving devotion, that like oil poured on the head brings refreshing and healing as it helps us to run faster toward Jesus (Proverbs 27:6, Psalm 141:5, also read more on this here). As someone running toward a beloved, I want anything that is hindering me from seeing Jesus to be exposed, pride is one of those things that just slow me down, and so let these precious wounds come, for I want to see Jesus more. Exhortation is not one man trying to lift another man up out of the pit. Exhortation is two men encouraging each other to trust that the rope, aka the Gospel message, pulling them up out of the pit is strong enough to not break and the one who is pulling them up, Jesus, is strong enough to complete the task. It is saying to one another don’t let go of your hope in Jesus.

After Paul says to set our minds on the things that are above, for our life is hidden in Christ, again with this in mind, he states,

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12–17, ESV)

So yes, though we do not strive like the world, or give advice like the world, we do speak into one another’s lives. We may even say similar things, for example, I might tell my brother, “Go love your children”, because I trust the Shephard who has called us to love others, but the core and the message are starkly different. I don’t push him toward himself, instead I call him to behold the Lamb of God, knowing it is in this alone that he and I can love our children as Christ loves us. We are both aware he and I are completely and utterly helpless to love our children without Christ, and we are only calling each other to take hold of Christ. Our Shephard is faithful to take care of his sheep. He will help me to love others, even when I completely fail to love others. And when I say this to my brother I don’t have any remote thought of, “I have obtained this” or “I am better or more spiritual”. On the contrary, I understand my need for my brother to likewise encourage me to trust in the Gospel of Christ for my own heart is so quick to wonder from the simplicity and sole devotion to Christ alone and instead look to the fruit as my hope, instead of feasting on Christ alone.

But here is also another benefit. Jesus is our Shephard and the one at work to accomplish what he has begun. Because Jesus is at work in us, and because we can trust in his work alone. We no longer have to look at ourselves for sanctification or good works. We have the freedom to jump out there and attempt to love our children and completely and utterly fail, because we know that even in our failure Christ will not fail. We don’t sit in a hole or put our head in the sand and hide, till we get things perfect, but have the freedom to run this race, because he who began his work in us promises to complete it. We are not bound by the law or perfection, but instead held by mighty hands. “My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me (Psalm 63:8).

As sheep our goal is to know the Shephard’s voice for it is the voice of God that has the power to change our hearts. For we do not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God, which is the Logos, Jesus. So, let us “be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you” (Psalm 32:9, ESV). Read Psalm 32, these words are not for one who is perfect, but for the sinner. For the one whom God does not count their sin against them. God is not looking for the perfect man, but one whose heart is after him. He desires us to simply come to him. O sinner!, let us run to and come near Jesus with all abandonment, for “whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25, ESV), knowing that “my flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (73:26). Jesus is the author and perfector of our faith, and he will complete the work he has begun, despite our shame, despite our foolishness, despite our failures. So come near without fear all who are weary.

I have had friends come to me with their struggles with sin, and I will tell them my main focus is not your sin but to point you to Jesus and I need the same from you in my own life. Our struggles with sin will never end till we see Jesus, face to face. So we should not be surprised or shocked that we or our fellow brothers and sisters struggle with sin. Repentance is walking away from the world and sin and yes our own good works, toward Christ. We must remember our hope is not in overcoming sin, but in the Gospel alone. We might “overcome” a sin, but this does not bring us closer to Christ. The Gospel alone brings us into the presence of God, and it is his presence that refines our dross as fire refines silver.

Nor is my hope in the fruit Christ has born in my life or the sin I have overcome. A tree bearing fruit does not rely on its fruit to stay alive, nor does it suddenly lose its desperate need for the water. Without Christ we are nothing. A strong motivation for me to speak Christ into others is because I realize I desperately need them to be speaking Christ into my own life. Though I have partaken of a delicacy another brother has not and want to share it with him, I can be assured he has probably partaken of many more delicacies that I have not tried that I will be the better for. And who wants to miss out on a glorious feast? How silly it would be for either of us to boast in something neither of us has prepared or be in awe of each other for sharing what has been given to us by Jesus.

And here is also a warning for those who love the world, you are not invited to the King’s banquet to leave it to go back and delight in refuse. You cannot presume you are planted by water when you refuse to drink from the river because you love the desert. Those who love this world will not come to Jesus, for they love the darkness more than the light. Those who refuse to come to Jesus and abide and rest in him alone, will continue to be thirsty and hungry. And those who try to get in through the gate by any other means than Jesus, including good works, will be cast out. And so the message of the church is to call everyone to Jesus alone as the wellspring and bread of life.

As is written, “speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15-16, ESV) We need each other, we are not built into Christ alone. I cannot do this without even the so-called least of my brothers. Since we will all be made perfected in Christ when we see him and are now being perfected in his timing and wisdom, on what grounds do we have to look down on another? Do we question the author and perfector of our faith or our brother’s faith? “On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” We don’t abandon each other even when it is rough. Even the heathen can love someone easy to get along with.  But we have come to a beauty far greater than what is known among the heathens. The beauty of Christ can only be known more fully as we live our lives together. It is the pursuit of this beauty that binds us to one another. For we become more like Jesus as we live our messy lives together and as we speak the Gospel into each other’s lives, exhorting and pointing each other to the enveloping beauty of Jesus, for Jesus has taken on our shame. So as we live our messy lives together, we rejoice because “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox” (Proverbs 14:4). Again like Paul made clear we are not yet perfect. We are all “wretched”. So we cannot expect a clean barn. But Christ is at work in all this and there will be a glorious harvest.

Good advice causes us to hide our failures, good news allows us to walk honestly without fear, and even gives us a longing for exhortation, for our worth is caught up in Jesus. We have died to ourselves. Our failures or the failures of others loses its luster in the beauty and light of the Gospel. God is near the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18, 51:17, 147:3; Isaiah 57:15, 66:2) and he holds us close to himself. There truly is no place for boasting in the body of Christ. And unlike methods and steps, Christ alone who is the cornerstone, our true foundation is the only one who can stand against the chaos of this world. So, may we to be found in Him and encourage each other in our pursuit of Jesus, the one who is the Lord of my shame, and the Lord of my sinful heart.

For “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ” (Colossians 1:27-28, ESV).

For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed – a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “the righteous will live by faith”. (Romans 1:17)

 After God (the King) made a garden (the place) and then created man (the people) and placed him in it, and before he had made the woman, he immediately gave him a task and a vision. . .

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

God had given Adam a purpose, a work, and a vision to accomplish in establishing the Kingdom. God was the Author and the King of Adam’s vocation. Adam did not set his own agenda or go his own way. In joy, love, and delight, Adam looked to God for his vision and purpose. However, God knew Adam couldn’t accomplish this vision alone; dominion of the earth could not be accomplished by one man. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”. And so, God brought the animals before Adam in order to see if a helper could be found to accompany Adam in his task. Yet Adam did not find a helper fit for him among the creatures God had made. . ..

So God put Adam to sleep and created a helper that was fit . . . a woman, someone who was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. And after having gone through all the animals, when Adam saw the woman, that God had brought him, he cried out in joy,

                “This at last is bone of my bones

                                and flesh of my flesh;

                she shall be called Woman,

                                because she was taken out of Man.”

(Genesis 2:23 ESV)

Finally, after all his searching, he “at last” found someone above all the others who was a helper perfectly fit to walk alongside him in the vision God had set for them. In bringing the animals before Adam, first, God demonstrated that Adam was to love and cherish his wife above all others. That is why it is said,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

We see this not only from the very beginning of creation, but also later, as Paul and Peter both look back to God’s purposes for marriage and have as their core exhortation to husbands . . . love, value, and cherish your wives. And in the Old Testament, through the prophets, God states, “she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14b ESV). Husbands, your wives are to be cherished, are to be held close, and to be your companion by God’s purpose, design, and covenant. If a man does not love his wife, the man is in rebellion against God.

God had given Adam a task and vision he could not accomplish alone. And for this reason, God made the woman. The wife is the husband’s companion in pursuing God’s Kingdom.

After presenting the woman to Adam and bring them together, God blessed them both, added to Adam’s vision and purpose, and together commanded them to expand their territory “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion . . ..” The woman was created as a helper fit to help support and walk alongside Adam as they accomplished this command of establishing the Kingdom together. Without her it would not have been possible. This too was God’s vision for the family from the beginning. And again later, we see Paul and Peter also echoing this vision as they both exhort wives to submit to and respecting their husbands. Proverbs 31 words it this way,

                 An excellent wife who can find?

                                She is far more precious than jewels.

                The heart of her husband trusts in her,

                                and he will have no lack of gain.

                She does him good, and not harm,

                                all the days of her life.

                (Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV)

“The heart of her husband trusts in her . . .” She was to bless her husband in this task. She was at last is a helper fit for man to be a co-heir, a partner, someone who will support Adam in pursuing God’s vision. “She is far more precious than jewels.”

So, the man is to love and cherish his wife. The wife is to respect and support her husband. And through this, they are to partner in accomplishing God’s vision. We see this outlined by Paul, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Understand this . . . no one is allowed their own vision, except for God. The wife does not have her own vision, nor does the husband. But each have their roles in accomplishing God’s vision for the family. That is why as I have been writing I keep referring to God’s vision. This is important. The purpose of mankind is not to pursue its own glory, but to pursue the Glory of God. I repeat, no one is allowed to have their own vision, and to do so is rebellion. The husband is not allowed to set his own vision for the family, nor is the wife allowed to have her own vision for the family; both are to pursue God’s vision together. The scripture teaches “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25 ESV). Keeping this in mind, let us look at the roles for the husband and wife further . . .

Man was created first. The woman came out of man. Adam also named the woman. These were both signs of his authority. From the beginning, before sin came into the world, the husband was created to lead and to be the head of his family. The husband’s headship was not an afterthought. Paul makes this clear in 1 Timothy 2, when he appeals to this as the reason for man’s authority in the church. Paul also refers to this fact elsewhere, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8,9). The woman was given to the man because he could not accomplish God’s vision without her. Adam needed his wife to succeed. Paul quickly follows this with, “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God” (1 Corinthians 11:11,12). Her support for God’s vision was essential. It was part of God’s design to accomplish the vision God had for mankind. And after God had presented the woman to the man, God “saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31 ESV). The roles God had established between the man and the woman were beautiful, breath taking, splendid, grand, pleasurable, and life giving.

The role God had given the woman at the beginning was intensely beautiful and imperishable. She is to be a support and help-meet to her husband. The scripture says that the head of the woman is the man. The wife is to look to her husband for instruction and value his leadership and direction. God gave Adam his commandment, before He made the woman. Adam was to speak God’s word’s to his wife. Paul describes how wives are to be cleansed and sanctified by their husbands through the washing of the word (Ephesians 5:26). Apart from God and the scripture, the husband should be the first and primary source of sanctification and teaching for the wife. This is one of the reasons why Paul states in 1 Corinthians 14, “If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home” (ESV). The wife is to look to her husband in this, because he needs her. Her thoughts and concerns are precious, and as she comes to him as her head drawing him out, he also is sanctified and grows in the Lord, through her strength. He becomes more like Christ as she displays the beauty of the glory of God, through her submission. 1 Peter 3 shows that the wife’s submissive behavior is the most influential thing on a man’s heart. A submissive wife is not a weak wife, the scripture does not abide the thought of a weak woman. A wife has the fortitude and the strength to build her home, even if her husband is weak and worthless. A woman is not to compromise her strength, but to approach her husband in her strength as she submits to him. As she comes to her husband and submits to him, in strength, not weakness, God’s vision for the family is strengthened.

Peter discusses the sanctifying power of a godly woman and how her beauty can even change the heart of a hard, calloused, and ungodly man (1 Peter 3).  Peter describes a beautiful woman as one who is precious, valuable, needed, and cherished both to the husband and to God. He states, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Therefore, beauty for a woman is having a gentle and quiet spirit. And this “gentle and quiet spirit” is displayed by the wife’s submission and obedience to her husband, by looking to him as her head and lord. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul states, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Obedience and submission to the husband, is the calling of God for the wife. Her vision should be caught up in supporting her husband’s pursuit of God’s vision. “A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband” (Proverbs 14:2, Amplified). The bible describes her as noble, influential, powerful, and strong. This is not the world’s idea of submission. Our culture does not define or understand submission correctly. It is a submission and obedience that come from the inner beauty of a woman who knows her God and intimately pursues His glory.  The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of ingenuity, intelligence, wisdom, strength, and ability. She has the full trust of her husband, not because she is weak, but because she is strong. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Like Joseph, her husband does not need to concern himself with anything under her care. “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” He knows she will support him and his leadership in the vision God has given them together as a family. She is his partner and companion. She is his primary support and council. She is the number one influence in his life. He desperately relies on her strength. No one, no man or woman, is better suited to help him pursue God. In Proverbs 31, it states, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (ESV). Don’t read this too quickly. This is not a description of the husband, but a description of what the wife has accomplished. Because of her support for her husband, he is known and respected and influential. He couldn’t accomplish this without her. God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone . . ..” The scripture states, “The wisest of women builds her house . . .” (Proverbs 14:1a, ESV). A woman partners with her husband to establish the home. And she can also tear it down in foolishness. The wife has a lot of influence in establishing or tearing down God’s vision for the family. The husband is not meant to do it without her. He desperately needs his wife as a coheir and partner in the Kingdom.

Paul writes in Titus, “Older women, . . . They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” The idea of submission comes from God’s word which means it comes from the very heart of God. He established the role of the wife at creation and sustained it in the scripture. God established the role of the wife, for God has a bigger vision – the Gospel story of Christ and the Church. Paul states that the relationship between a husband and wife is an image of Christ and the church, a husband or a wife who fail to display their end of that image, are failing to display the Gospel in their lives to themselves and to others, and the Gospel and the word of God is at risk of being reviled. A Godly woman submits to her husband because she has a deep understanding of the Gospel and the power of the Kingdom of God. She has a love for God’s word and trusts her Father. The strongest influence a woman has on her husband is her submission. It is imposing and powerful, not weak. It is the strongest power to turn the heart of a hardhearted calloused man to God. If this kind of man is going to change, the strongest influence is the “quiet and gentle spirit” of a godly wife. And if this is the case for an ungodly man, how much more so is this the case for the godly husband. A godly woman is full of strength and influence and the wisest of them will use that strength to support her husband and build her home.

When mankind sinned the relational purpose of God for the husband and wife became corrupted. Sin brought curses on mankind, one of those being . . . “[Wife,] Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 ESV) Corruption entered the relationship between husband and wife. The wife’s desire was no longer to serve her husband, but instead was to devour her husband and thus corrupting her husband. And the man’s sinful response to this affront would be to crush his wife and to neglect loving and cherishing his wife, and thus destroying her. We see this same type of wording in Genesis 4, when God speaks to Cain, “sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” In Hebrew language these two passages are identical. Sin desires to overtake devour Cain, but Cain proper response is to crush and put to death sin. And it is in the fall, where both the husband and the wife, because of sin, decided to take up and pursue their own vision and purpose instead of God’s. Sin corrupted the love the husband had for his wife; he no longer cherished her like he should. And the wife no longer supported and submitted to her husband, like she should. God’s vision for the family was corrupted because of sin, pride, selfishness, argumentative spirits, harshness, and more took its place.

It is not God’s design for a man to crush his wife. Nor is he a dictator. He is to portray Christ in His headship. And he is to be under Christ’s headship.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5)

God’s design for man from the beginning was to shepherd his family in the way of the Lord. Man was made to be the head of the family. As a woman is called to submit to her husband, the husband is called to love and lay down his life for her. He lays down his vision, his desires, his hopes and submits them to Christ for her and his children. When mankind sinned God address Adam, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife . . ..” Adam put his wife’s vision above God’s vision. Adam failed as the head of his family by failing to submit and obey to his Head and Lord. He is to lead and protect his family under the vision of God. The man is not allowed to lead by his own interests, desires or whims or the desires of others.  The husband is not allowed to have his own vision but has the duty of establishing the vision of God for his family, by presenting the Word and the Gospel. The scripture calls husbands to love, cherish, lay down their lives, and lead as Christ does the church. This is a high calling and is accomplished as the husband lays himself down underneath the headship of Christ. The husband’s first allegiance is to Christ. And through that allegiance to Christ, a husband can love his wife.

The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the enduring passion and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and sacrificial way, with a love that represents Christ’s love for His church, His beloved. God has commanded husbands to sanctify their wives through loving her, by giving up of themselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with your words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak, for the husband’s love comes from the strength of Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it that does not compromise on God’s heart for her, while still being full of tenderness. The husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her as his own body. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. The husband is to love his wife, by shepherding his family towards the love of Christ, not himself. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And a husband must follow Jesus to be the husbands his wife needs.

Just as Christ’s love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, the husband’s love through Christ will be the most powerful instrument in changing his wife and helping her to grow in Christ. Even if she is an ungodly woman, this is the story of Hosea and this is the story of Christ and His church. So whether or not she is godly or not, the husband is to passionately love his wife, knowing that this love is effectual. And even if she does not change, the husband’s head is Christ, and he is to be faithful to the covenant that has been made between him and his wife, through Christ.

The scripture describes wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. We are to love our wives above all others and hold fast to her.  In Malachi God says that she is the husband’s companion by covenant. 1 Peter 3 states that she is our co-heir. And husbands are to treat their wives as such. The Lord states that he is a witness between the husband and how he treats his wife, and will not listen to a man who does not cherish his wife

“You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant”. (Malachi 2:13-14 ESV)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)

The wife is not just a companion but a co-heir and co-worker in the Kingdom of God. God told them both, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” The husband must value his wife as a co-heir and co-worker in accomplishing this. She is is to be his primary counsel and an equal partner in this vision. God requires that the man leads in a way that cherishes his wife as an equal partner in this vision.

God expects the husband to cherish his wife. And if he does not, his prayers will not be heard. This is sobering. The wife has been given to the husband by God. The husband should not reject or treat this gift with disregard. If he does so it is an affront to God. She is your companion, cherished one, beloved by covenant. But this is the joy that God has given husbands, to portray the love of Christ for His bride. And it is exciting, because just as God has given you your wife, He also has established the covenant between you and your wife and made you, her husband. The covenant is made by God and is fulfilled through Christ. A husband leads and loves his family on his knees. And God is faithful and will efficaciously work through a man who sincerely comes to him. And he says, “Come all who are weary.” It in the work of Christ and under the headship of Christ, that a man is able to lead. A Godly man is a man who presses into the gospel.

 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”. (Ephesians 5)

The relationship between a husband and wife represents Christ and the church. It is a portrayal of the cosmic story of the Gospel. How we treat our spouses reflects on this image. This story was set at the beginning when the first man and woman were created. And we have the pleasure of participating in that story in our marriages. We can have faith to believe in the beauty, the wonder, and the romance of the story or we can go our own way. But it is under the vision of God for the family that we find true romance and become participants in something greater than ourselves.