I was talking with my child the other day. She was telling me of a situation where she was told by someone that not everyone believes in Jesus. I let her know that she can be assured that I will not conceal this information or these kind of views from her or minimize what others say against the Christian faith. I also let her know it is ok to have questions about the Christian faith. I let her know that unlike those who will say things like this, who are only able to see one side, I will not hide things from her, not only that, I expect her to see both sides (for I have yet to see an atheist or agnostic, even former Christians or Christian leaders or pastors, that are able to articulate the Christian faith and present both sides or something that I recognize as the Christian faith, and they certainly will not teach their children the Christian faith). Nor do I want her to run away or hide in the sand. Unlike the opposition I expect her to have an open mind. I want her to fully understand the strongest arguments against the Christian faith, because we don’t have to fear them. Truth stands when buffeted. I want these ideas to be fully exposed so she can see them for what they are. Unlike those who oppose the Christian faith, it is also important as Christians that we endeavor to listen to the questions people have and understand them so that we can fully address them. We want to talk with people not past them. Atheist only present one side, while Christians by the nature of their call seek to understand both sides so they can clearly present the Gospel to others, meeting them where they are at. Because Truth is a person, it is relational. And because Truth holds us, we don’t have to be afraid of hearing people out and fully understanding their views. And yes, there is Truth, . . . and we know this instinctively as we try to make sense of this world.

But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. (1 Peter 3:14–16, ESV)

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, (2 Corinthians 10:3–5, ESV)

Ed, I know I can argue the Trinity and other Christian beliefs well. But I am not doing this out of stubbornness, I am trying to help you and give you the opportunity to explain your beliefs better than me. If you can answer these questions, you will be able to convince not only me, but countless others of your faith. And we ought not be intimidated or have fear or be troubled, by those who asks us to give an account for our hope. For the scripture says,

AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED, 15but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence (1 Peter 3:14b-15)

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4.5)

Do not fear. Have faith in the scripture. Have faith in Jehovah. And this confidence I expect to see in you as you answer my questions and present your faith.

The Trinity

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.” (Deuteronomy 6:4)

This verse is in contention between Unitarians and Trinitarians, for this verse is central to both of their beliefs. And this contention is focused on the word “one”. For Unitarians this word is restricted to a number. Trinitarians agree that the word “one” has a numeric function (Is 45:21-22, 44:6-8, Ex 15:11, Deut 4:35, 6:4-5, 32:39), but also understand that this word is used elsewhere to describe unity between members (Genesis 2:24, Genesis 11:6, John 17) and therefore feel it is fitting to take in the full meaning of this term in describing who God is. They also point out that in this verse God is referred to three times, possibly emphasizing this three-person unity. So, saying God is one for the Trinitarian, is both numeric and relational. Deuteronomy 6:4 according to the Trinitarian is describing one God who has eternally been in relational unity. Deuteronomy 6:4 is the foundational verse for the Trinity.

The Trinity has an emphasis of a God who has eternally loved. When John says, “God is love”, the term for “love” is an outward selfless love. For God to be love eternally there must be an outward selfless directed love. Note this kind of love does not exist in the imagination, or a future creation, but must be expressed currently and eternally toward an object to be true. An Unitarian God did not have this love for an eternity past, because there was no outward actualized current object to love till one was created. The only eternal love a Unitarian God can have eternally is an imaginary love and a self-love. Therefore, a Unitarian God cannot be said to have had an active, current actualized eternal outward directed love. However, this is not true of a Trinitarian God, a God who does not change, but from eternity past has had a current actualized eternal outward directed love. Because the Trinity consists of three persons who are in unity as one God, these three persons outwardly love one another for eternity. Thus, John can say, “God is love”, because love is central to who God is. It is also why love is called to after the statement “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” This is why loving God is the first and greatest command, the second to love others (Matt 22:37-39). “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13). And did not Paul pray that we would know this love that surpasses imagination,

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

The love of Christ fills us with the fullness of God. (Note that it is the love of Christ, that fills us with the fullness of God, something only the love of God can do) This love is intimate. “And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3). The word “know” is used in the Bible for the most intimate of relationships of a man and wife. God calls his people his bride and himself our husband. This is the intimate love God has for His people. This intimate, close, passionate, fully giving of oneself, extravagant love is the theme of the Bible. And it is the theme of the Bible because it is who God is in the Trinity. God’s love and intimacy with us is an outflow of who He is. Jesus delighted to have the children come into his presence, not hindering them, and also pursued the prostitute, tax collector, demon possessed, sick, and sinners, and cried out “come all who are weary and heavy laden”. We are his sheep, and He knows us by name. A shepherd has an intimate relationship with all his sheep.  This kind of love is not the heart of a created being, this is the heart of God, who desires intimate, close relationship with us. An intimate relationship that is beyond anything we could ask or think. It is God’s pursuit of an intimate relationship with all His people that is the story of scripture. Therefore the love of the Trinity is foundational to the faith of a Christian and what we believe about the Gospel and salvation.

Trinitarians believe there are three persons, each fully God, in one essence, nature, or being, having the fullness of being one, both in the numeric sense and in unity of love as described when the scripture states, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.” (Deuteronomy 6:4). Being three persons, the Father is not the Son or the Holy Spirit, nor the Son, the Father or Holy Spirit, nor the Holy Spirit the Son or Father. So, for example, when the Father sends the Son, He is not sending Himself. No, this is real and heart felt, just as any earthly father would send their own son, so God the Father sends his Son into the world, and yet it is even deeper than the earthly example or if Jesus were created, for the love that the Father has for the Son and the love that the Son has or the Father is an eternal love, something no earthly or created relationship can experience. The relationships that the three persons of the Trinity have are real, eternal, and deeper than any love we can imagine. So, John can truly write, “God is love”. Since they are three persons, we see real and active interactions between the three persons of the Trinity. Since each is fully God they interact with each other as God. Jesus prays to the Father, the Father glorifies the Son, Jesus sends the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit intercedes to God for the saints.

The scripture refers to each of the three persons of the Trinity as God and Yahweh (Ex 3:14-15; Deut 32:39, Zech 12:8-10, 14:1-5, Is 40:3, John 1:23, Matt 3:1-3, Luke 3:3-5, Heb 1:10-12, Ps 102:25-27; Jer 23:5-6; John 12:26-43; Is 6, John 8:24; John 19; Is 43; Rev 1:8, Rom 10, John 1:1,14,18, Titus 2:14, Matt 1:23, Acts 20:28, Rom 9:5, 2 Pet 1:1, John 20:28). Each person of the Trinity are fully God. Each of the three persons of the Trinity have qualities that can only be attributed to God: aseity, eternal (Micah 5:2, Hebrews 7:3), all-knowing (Mark 2:8, Luke 6:8, 11:17, John 2:24,25, omnipresent (Matt 18:20, John 14:20-23, Eph 1:23, 4:20), omnipotent, immutable (Hebrews 13:8, Matt 24:35), creator (Is 44:24, Job 9:8-9, Is 45:18), having all authority (Judges 8:23, 1 Sam 8:7, 1 Sam 10:19, Jer 23:5,6, Eph 1:21-23), the Name (Is 52:6, Ps 83:18, Malachi 1:11, Matt 28:19, Joel 2:32, Romans 10:5-13, Acts 2:21,39, Acts10:43, Acts 22:16, 1 Cor 6:11, Is 43:11, Phil 2:9-11), Savior (Hosea 13:4, Is 43:11, Titus 1:3-4, 2:10, 3:4-6), on clouds of heaven (Deut 33:26, Ps 104:1-3, Is 19, Dan 7:9-13, Matt 26: 63-66), Worshiped (Is 2:11, Rev 5:8), Delivered from Egypt (Jude 4, Cor 10:4) etc.

We both believe Jesus is God. But the scripture goes further and says that he is Jehovah. Here is a sampling of verses that demonstrate Jesus is Jehovah: John 8:24; Zech 12:8-10; Zech 14:1-5; Is 40:3; John 1:23; Jer 23:5-6; John 12:27-43; Is 53; Is 6; Matt 3:1-3; Luke 3:3-5; Heb 1:10-12; Ps 102:25-27; Is 40:3; John 19:4-6; Is 43; 1 Cor 1:30-31; Jer 9:24; Zech 11:13; John 1:14; Col 2:9; Heb 1:1-3; Phil 2:6; Phil 2:10; Rom 14:11; Is 45:23; John 1:18; Gen 48:14-16, Judges 13; Matt 1:22-23; John 1:1; Deut 8:3; 1 Sam 3; Gen 15; Deut 5; Jer 1; Is 44:6; Matt 28:19; Is 52:6; Is 26:7-9; Is 12:4; Ps 83:18; Ex 34; Is 7:14; Acts 1:8; Joel 2:32; Romans 10:13; Acts 2:21,39; Ps 91:14; Acts 3:12-16; Acts 8:12; Acts 10:43; Acts 22:16; Acts 22:16; 1 John 5:13; John 3:18; 1 Cor 6:11; Is 43:5-13; Is 52:6; Luke 10:17; Acts 4:30; Acts 4:10-12; Phil 2:9-11; Eph 1:21-23; Jer 23:5,6; Is 2:11, John 9:38; Heb 1:6; Rev 5:8; Is 42:8; Matt 18:20, 28:20; Heb 7:3; Jude 5; Ps 68:19, Eph 4:7-10; Deut 33:26; Psalm 104:1-3; Is 19:1; Dan 7:9-13; Matt 26:63-66; Is 44:24; Job 9:8,9; Heb 1:10-12, Psalm 102; John 1:3; Col 1:16; 1 Cor 8:6

For the Spirit of Jehovah, obviously in his name, he is Jehovah, he is God, what we have to ascertain is if the Holy Spirit is a person or a force. Here are some verses that show that the Holy Spirit is a person: Matt 28:19; 1 Cor 13:14; Eph 4:4-6; 2 Cor 3:16-18; John 14:17; Acts 8:39; Rom 8:11; John 6:63; 1 John 5:6; John 14:26; Rom 8:16; Rom 8:26; Is 63:10; Rom 8:27; 2 Sam 23:2; Acts 8:29; Acts 10:19; Acts 11:12; Acts 13:2; Acts 21:11; Acts 28; 25-26; 1 Tim 4:1; Heb 3:7-8; Rev 2:7,11,17,29; Rev 3:6,13,22; Rev 14:13; Rev 22:17; 1 Cor 2:11; Acts 15:28; Acts 5:3; Acts 5:9; Acts 20:28; Acts 5:32: Acts 7:51; John 14:26; Luke 12:12; Matt 4:1; John 6:63; Acts 2:4; Matt 3:16; Matt 12:32; Mark 1:8; John 3:34; John 20:22; Acts 16:6; 1 Cor 2:10; 1 John 5:6

We also believe that Jesus became fully man in every way, emptying himself, taking on every aspect of what that means to be human, including obeying, serving, worshiping, and being devoted to the one and only true God. I explained this more thoroughly previously in a letter I sent and won’t repeat it all here. But to summarize, the messiah had to fully complete everything man was supposed to do, otherwise no one could be saved. One of those aspects is in his humanity, Jesus, as we are called to do, served the only true and living God in every way we are to. I would reread what I wrote earlier on this subject. But this is fundamental to Trinitarian teaching. I know this makes John 17:3 a harder argument for you, I am not trying to make it harder, I am just trying to share with you honestly what Trinitarians believe. And this is the story of the Trinity and their determination to save mankind. But this is where you have to work to show how what you believe shows the story of God’s love and how it is supported by scripture more. It forces you to go deeper into what your faith is, which is in the end is always a good thing. So, it should make you rejoice that you get to explore the wonders and beauty of Jehovah at a deeper level. And I look forward to seeing that.

So, for the Christian, there is one God, not three separate gods or three separate modes of God. They are three persons in one essence, nature or being. God is both “one” in unity and “one” in the numeric sense. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are truly one God. Just as “love” is prominent in the Bible, the scripture is filled with the theme of “oneness”. The power of God is found in this idea of “one”, a power that can only be found in a Trinitarian God. A Unitarian God, it is just a number, and shows that he is above all else. For a Trinitarian God, yes, He is one God above all else, but he is also more. He is unlike anything we know, He is Holy, Holy, Holy. He is a God bigger than we can comprehend. There is none that is even remotely like Him. So yes, for us there is one God. And we are baptized under one name (Jehovah), the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19). There is only one name (Jehovah), because there is only one God.

We also believe there is no other god (Is 43:10, Deut 4:35, Is 41:4, Is 44:6, Psalm 86:10) or savior (Hosea 13:4, Is 43:11) besides God. “Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: “I am the first and I am the last; besides me there is no god.” (Is 44:6) We take very seriously the first commandment.

You shall have no other gods before me. (Ex 20:3)

This is more than just saying we will not have another god equal to God, this is saying we will not have another god period, at all, whether equal or lesser to God. Jesus is clearly called God in the scripture. The question is – does the scripture say Jesus is a god besides Jehovah or is he God Jehovah, himself. Trinitarians believe there are no gods beside Jehovah. There may be so called gods, such as Satan who is called the god of this world, but for us there is only one God. Satan is not our god. There is not in any way “a god”, regardless of its standing, for the Christian. Nor is there anywhere in the scripture where “a god” is given any status next to or in the presence of Jehovah. Because we take the first commandment seriously, the Christian does not recognize any god or “a god” except for Jehovah. It is this passion for Jehovah as our only true God with no gods besides him that drive us to reject the idea that Jesus is “a god” who is besides or in the presence Jehovah, even as a lesser god, who is revered less. In Revelation, both Jesus and the Father sit on the one throne of God, because they are Jehovah God. As Christians we are baptized into one name (Jehovah), and only one name (Jehovah) – The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit (Matt 28:19). We are saved by calling on the Name (Jehovah) and only one name (Is 52:6, Ps 83:18, Malachi 1:11, Matt 28:19, Joel 2:32, Romans 10:5-13, Acts 2:21,39, Acts10:43, Acts 22:16, 1 Cor 6:11, Is 43:11, Phil 2:9-11). For us there is also one God of heaven and earth (Deut 4:39).

We come to this understanding because of what the scripture teaches. The Bible teaches that there is one God, and yet it refers to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit as God and Jehovah. It is from this that the concept of the Trinity was formed.

So, I hope this helps you understand the Trinity more. If you have any other questions let me know. So now on your part having shared what I have shared, help me to know how the scripture discounts the Trinity. Ed, I really need your help with this. If you believe Jesus is “a god”, how is this not breaking the first commandment, “You shall have no other gods before Me.”? How do you explain this? This is something hard for a Trinitarian to understand, since we believe in only one God, nor are we allowed to have “a god” even below Jehovah. Again, this is not an attack, I am being honest where I struggle with your concept of Jesus being “a god” separate from Jehovah. I think explaining this and showing me the scriptures that support there being “a god”, without violating the first commandment, would go a long way to helping me to understand how you support your beliefs from the scripture. I look forward to your response on this and the other questions.

 After God (the King) made a garden (the place) and then created man (the people) and placed him in it, and before he had made the woman, he immediately gave him a task and a vision. . .

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

God had given Adam a purpose, a work, and a vision to accomplish in establishing the Kingdom. God was the Author and the King of Adam’s vocation. Adam did not set his own agenda or go his own way. In joy, love, and delight, Adam looked to God for his vision and purpose. However, God knew Adam couldn’t accomplish this vision alone; dominion of the earth could not be accomplished by one man. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”. And so, God brought the animals before Adam in order to see if a helper could be found to accompany Adam in his task. Yet Adam did not find a helper fit for him among the creatures God had made. . ..

So God put Adam to sleep and created a helper that was fit . . . a woman, someone who was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. And after having gone through all the animals, when Adam saw the woman, that God had brought him, he cried out in joy,

                “This at last is bone of my bones

                                and flesh of my flesh;

                she shall be called Woman,

                                because she was taken out of Man.”

(Genesis 2:23 ESV)

Finally, after all his searching, he “at last” found someone above all the others who was a helper perfectly fit to walk alongside him in the vision God had set for them. In bringing the animals before Adam, first, God demonstrated that Adam was to love and cherish his wife above all others. That is why it is said,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

We see this not only from the very beginning of creation, but also later, as Paul and Peter both look back to God’s purposes for marriage and have as their core exhortation to husbands . . . love, value, and cherish your wives. And in the Old Testament, through the prophets, God states, “she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14b ESV). Husbands, your wives are to be cherished, are to be held close, and to be your companion by God’s purpose, design, and covenant. If a man does not love his wife, the man is in rebellion against God.

God had given Adam a task and vision he could not accomplish alone. And for this reason, God made the woman. The wife is the husband’s companion in pursuing God’s Kingdom.

After presenting the woman to Adam and bring them together, God blessed them both, added to Adam’s vision and purpose, and together commanded them to expand their territory “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion . . ..” The woman was created as a helper fit to help support and walk alongside Adam as they accomplished this command of establishing the Kingdom together. Without her it would not have been possible. This too was God’s vision for the family from the beginning. And again later, we see Paul and Peter also echoing this vision as they both exhort wives to submit to and respecting their husbands. Proverbs 31 words it this way,

                 An excellent wife who can find?

                                She is far more precious than jewels.

                The heart of her husband trusts in her,

                                and he will have no lack of gain.

                She does him good, and not harm,

                                all the days of her life.

                (Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV)

“The heart of her husband trusts in her . . .” She was to bless her husband in this task. She was at last is a helper fit for man to be a co-heir, a partner, someone who will support Adam in pursuing God’s vision. “She is far more precious than jewels.”

So, the man is to love and cherish his wife. The wife is to respect and support her husband. And through this, they are to partner in accomplishing God’s vision. We see this outlined by Paul, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Understand this . . . no one is allowed their own vision, except for God. The wife does not have her own vision, nor does the husband. But each have their roles in accomplishing God’s vision for the family. That is why as I have been writing I keep referring to God’s vision. This is important. The purpose of mankind is not to pursue its own glory, but to pursue the Glory of God. I repeat, no one is allowed to have their own vision, and to do so is rebellion. The husband is not allowed to set his own vision for the family, nor is the wife allowed to have her own vision for the family; both are to pursue God’s vision together. The scripture teaches “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25 ESV). Keeping this in mind, let us look at the roles for the husband and wife further . . .

Man was created first. The woman came out of man. Adam also named the woman. These were both signs of his authority. From the beginning, before sin came into the world, the husband was created to lead and to be the head of his family. The husband’s headship was not an afterthought. Paul makes this clear in 1 Timothy 2, when he appeals to this as the reason for man’s authority in the church. Paul also refers to this fact elsewhere, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8,9). The woman was given to the man because he could not accomplish God’s vision without her. Adam needed his wife to succeed. Paul quickly follows this with, “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God” (1 Corinthians 11:11,12). Her support for God’s vision was essential. It was part of God’s design to accomplish the vision God had for mankind. And after God had presented the woman to the man, God “saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31 ESV). The roles God had established between the man and the woman were beautiful, breath taking, splendid, grand, pleasurable, and life giving.

The role God had given the woman at the beginning was intensely beautiful and imperishable. She is to be a support and help-meet to her husband. The scripture says that the head of the woman is the man. The wife is to look to her husband for instruction and value his leadership and direction. God gave Adam his commandment, before He made the woman. Adam was to speak God’s word’s to his wife. Paul describes how wives are to be cleansed and sanctified by their husbands through the washing of the word (Ephesians 5:26). Apart from God and the scripture, the husband should be the first and primary source of sanctification and teaching for the wife. This is one of the reasons why Paul states in 1 Corinthians 14, “If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home” (ESV). The wife is to look to her husband in this, because he needs her. Her thoughts and concerns are precious, and as she comes to him as her head drawing him out, he also is sanctified and grows in the Lord, through her strength. He becomes more like Christ as she displays the beauty of the glory of God, through her submission. 1 Peter 3 shows that the wife’s submissive behavior is the most influential thing on a man’s heart. A submissive wife is not a weak wife, the scripture does not abide the thought of a weak woman. A wife has the fortitude and the strength to build her home, even if her husband is weak and worthless. A woman is not to compromise her strength, but to approach her husband in her strength as she submits to him. As she comes to her husband and submits to him, in strength, not weakness, God’s vision for the family is strengthened.

Peter discusses the sanctifying power of a godly woman and how her beauty can even change the heart of a hard, calloused, and ungodly man (1 Peter 3).  Peter describes a beautiful woman as one who is precious, valuable, needed, and cherished both to the husband and to God. He states, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Therefore, beauty for a woman is having a gentle and quiet spirit. And this “gentle and quiet spirit” is displayed by the wife’s submission and obedience to her husband, by looking to him as her head and lord. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul states, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Obedience and submission to the husband, is the calling of God for the wife. Her vision should be caught up in supporting her husband’s pursuit of God’s vision. “A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband” (Proverbs 14:2, Amplified). The bible describes her as noble, influential, powerful, and strong. This is not the world’s idea of submission. Our culture does not define or understand submission correctly. It is a submission and obedience that come from the inner beauty of a woman who knows her God and intimately pursues His glory.  The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of ingenuity, intelligence, wisdom, strength, and ability. She has the full trust of her husband, not because she is weak, but because she is strong. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Like Joseph, her husband does not need to concern himself with anything under her care. “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” He knows she will support him and his leadership in the vision God has given them together as a family. She is his partner and companion. She is his primary support and council. She is the number one influence in his life. He desperately relies on her strength. No one, no man or woman, is better suited to help him pursue God. In Proverbs 31, it states, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (ESV). Don’t read this too quickly. This is not a description of the husband, but a description of what the wife has accomplished. Because of her support for her husband, he is known and respected and influential. He couldn’t accomplish this without her. God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone . . ..” The scripture states, “The wisest of women builds her house . . .” (Proverbs 14:1a, ESV). A woman partners with her husband to establish the home. And she can also tear it down in foolishness. The wife has a lot of influence in establishing or tearing down God’s vision for the family. The husband is not meant to do it without her. He desperately needs his wife as a coheir and partner in the Kingdom.

Paul writes in Titus, “Older women, . . . They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” The idea of submission comes from God’s word which means it comes from the very heart of God. He established the role of the wife at creation and sustained it in the scripture. God established the role of the wife, for God has a bigger vision – the Gospel story of Christ and the Church. Paul states that the relationship between a husband and wife is an image of Christ and the church, a husband or a wife who fail to display their end of that image, are failing to display the Gospel in their lives to themselves and to others, and the Gospel and the word of God is at risk of being reviled. A Godly woman submits to her husband because she has a deep understanding of the Gospel and the power of the Kingdom of God. She has a love for God’s word and trusts her Father. The strongest influence a woman has on her husband is her submission. It is imposing and powerful, not weak. It is the strongest power to turn the heart of a hardhearted calloused man to God. If this kind of man is going to change, the strongest influence is the “quiet and gentle spirit” of a godly wife. And if this is the case for an ungodly man, how much more so is this the case for the godly husband. A godly woman is full of strength and influence and the wisest of them will use that strength to support her husband and build her home.

When mankind sinned the relational purpose of God for the husband and wife became corrupted. Sin brought curses on mankind, one of those being . . . “[Wife,] Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 ESV) Corruption entered the relationship between husband and wife. The wife’s desire was no longer to serve her husband, but instead was to devour her husband and thus corrupting her husband. And the man’s sinful response to this affront would be to crush his wife and to neglect loving and cherishing his wife, and thus destroying her. We see this same type of wording in Genesis 4, when God speaks to Cain, “sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” In Hebrew language these two passages are identical. Sin desires to overtake devour Cain, but Cain proper response is to crush and put to death sin. And it is in the fall, where both the husband and the wife, because of sin, decided to take up and pursue their own vision and purpose instead of God’s. Sin corrupted the love the husband had for his wife; he no longer cherished her like he should. And the wife no longer supported and submitted to her husband, like she should. God’s vision for the family was corrupted because of sin, pride, selfishness, argumentative spirits, harshness, and more took its place.

It is not God’s design for a man to crush his wife. Nor is he a dictator. He is to portray Christ in His headship. And he is to be under Christ’s headship.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5)

God’s design for man from the beginning was to shepherd his family in the way of the Lord. Man was made to be the head of the family. As a woman is called to submit to her husband, the husband is called to love and lay down his life for her. He lays down his vision, his desires, his hopes and submits them to Christ for her and his children. When mankind sinned God address Adam, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife . . ..” Adam put his wife’s vision above God’s vision. Adam failed as the head of his family by failing to submit and obey to his Head and Lord. He is to lead and protect his family under the vision of God. The man is not allowed to lead by his own interests, desires or whims or the desires of others.  The husband is not allowed to have his own vision but has the duty of establishing the vision of God for his family, by presenting the Word and the Gospel. The scripture calls husbands to love, cherish, lay down their lives, and lead as Christ does the church. This is a high calling and is accomplished as the husband lays himself down underneath the headship of Christ. The husband’s first allegiance is to Christ. And through that allegiance to Christ, a husband can love his wife.

The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the enduring passion and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and sacrificial way, with a love that represents Christ’s love for His church, His beloved. God has commanded husbands to sanctify their wives through loving her, by giving up of themselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with your words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak, for the husband’s love comes from the strength of Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it that does not compromise on God’s heart for her, while still being full of tenderness. The husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her as his own body. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. The husband is to love his wife, by shepherding his family towards the love of Christ, not himself. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And a husband must follow Jesus to be the husbands his wife needs.

Just as Christ’s love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, the husband’s love through Christ will be the most powerful instrument in changing his wife and helping her to grow in Christ. Even if she is an ungodly woman, this is the story of Hosea and this is the story of Christ and His church. So whether or not she is godly or not, the husband is to passionately love his wife, knowing that this love is effectual. And even if she does not change, the husband’s head is Christ, and he is to be faithful to the covenant that has been made between him and his wife, through Christ.

The scripture describes wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. We are to love our wives above all others and hold fast to her.  In Malachi God says that she is the husband’s companion by covenant. 1 Peter 3 states that she is our co-heir. And husbands are to treat their wives as such. The Lord states that he is a witness between the husband and how he treats his wife, and will not listen to a man who does not cherish his wife

“You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant”. (Malachi 2:13-14 ESV)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)

The wife is not just a companion but a co-heir and co-worker in the Kingdom of God. God told them both, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” The husband must value his wife as a co-heir and co-worker in accomplishing this. She is is to be his primary counsel and an equal partner in this vision. God requires that the man leads in a way that cherishes his wife as an equal partner in this vision.

God expects the husband to cherish his wife. And if he does not, his prayers will not be heard. This is sobering. The wife has been given to the husband by God. The husband should not reject or treat this gift with disregard. If he does so it is an affront to God. She is your companion, cherished one, beloved by covenant. But this is the joy that God has given husbands, to portray the love of Christ for His bride. And it is exciting, because just as God has given you your wife, He also has established the covenant between you and your wife and made you, her husband. The covenant is made by God and is fulfilled through Christ. A husband leads and loves his family on his knees. And God is faithful and will efficaciously work through a man who sincerely comes to him. And he says, “Come all who are weary.” It in the work of Christ and under the headship of Christ, that a man is able to lead. A Godly man is a man who presses into the gospel.

 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”. (Ephesians 5)

The relationship between a husband and wife represents Christ and the church. It is a portrayal of the cosmic story of the Gospel. How we treat our spouses reflects on this image. This story was set at the beginning when the first man and woman were created. And we have the pleasure of participating in that story in our marriages. We can have faith to believe in the beauty, the wonder, and the romance of the story or we can go our own way. But it is under the vision of God for the family that we find true romance and become participants in something greater than ourselves.