Presumptions and Vulnerability

We want people to be vulnerable with us, for vulnerability brings intimacy and safety. Though we long for this vulnerability, sometimes we actively discourage intimacy through our presumptions. Before a person has had the opportunity to open up to us, we have already decided some “facts” about the person or situation and as they are opening up to us we quickly come to conclusions before fully understanding. We create in our minds a persona about this person that doesn’t exist and filter their words and actions through this persona. Someone could be pouring out their heart and being vulnerable, but we miss it, because it doesn’t fit our persona of the person.

And so sometimes when we get upset because a person is not being honest and vulnerable with us, the issue is that we don’t believe they exist. We filter out what doesn’t fit our “persona”. We forget that it is difficult to talk with someone if we don’t believe they exist.

And sometimes, we are unwilling to give up our “personas” because it means we would have to be vulnerable ourselves, even if it just means something as simple as admitting we were wrong in our presumptions.

It is important to realize that we all do this. Because of the fall, we are creatures of misinterpretation. Understanding that we are misinterpreters is part of learning to get to know people. When we realize we do this often, we don’t hold on to those “personas” very tightly, and we are willing to have your “personas” destroyed. In fact, we expect to have false ideas about people and begin actively listening to others in order to destroy our false perspectives about them in a search to truly get to know who they are.