God’s word gives us the confidence and the freedom to not feel shaken and be open minded and not be afraid. I have confidence that God’s word is absolutely true because it has been proven and I have experienced it to be stronger than the world. Do not think that the word of God is afraid of the arguments of the world. The word of God is a roaring lion, it doesn’t run away from the arguments of this evil age. It faces them head on and tears them apart, because of this we can be patient, kind, loving, and good listeners. We can rest in his might.

We find safety in our pride.

It is in our nature to hold on to our view, our own version of “truth” or to be conformed into the world’s viewpoint around us. In Genesis, the serpent tempted Adam and Eve to find their “truth” outside of God, to determine their own version of good and evil. We have become wise in our own eyes. Sin corrupts our hearts desires and drives us to pursue our own glory though a self-centered world view.

Whatever we pursue and look to outside of God shapes our version of “truth”. It shapes how we think, how we look at the world, and who we are. We identify who we are with these “truths” and they become integral to our “self”.

We build a world surrounded by our perceptions and experiences. We trust our interpretations and our ideas of how this world works. Our “truth”, this “worldly wisdom”, becomes our sanctuary for it explains the world around us. It makes sense of the disorder and protects us. It becomes ingrained into who we are. It is a part of us. To stray from it is to walk on insecure ground, to risk your own heart, to be shaken. To stray from it is to lose one’s very self.

So, instead of presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice, we fight to hold on to our own “integrity”, our own “truth”, our own world view. “Worldly wisdom” becomes our refuge. Our interpretation of the world helps us to make sense of the world. It keeps us stable. It’s safe. It makes sense. And it’s comfortable. It doesn’t shake up our world. It doesn’t call us to die to our self.

It is a scary thing to have our world turned upside down, to find out that our “truth”, our world view has been a lie. To find out that who we are is a lie. However, that is what the Gospel does. It takes us into a world that is unknown, a world that strips away our “worldly wisdom” that strips the very essence of who we think we are and calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. Our view of the world has become not just a collage of ideas, but how we see ourselves in the deepest part of our being. So the Gospel call is a call that feels like we are losing the essence of who we are. This is often why we fight. We don’t want to lose our stability.

So, when God speaks His truth into our hearts, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”, we are shaken. We are rocked to the core. What we held on to for security becomes shaky ground. Our “self” is in danger. And we fight and stubbornly hold on to what we know.

How does this affect our relationships?

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. – James 4:1-4, ESV

We have chosen our own world view apart God and have become enemies of God, wallowing in our adultery and rebellion. And our muck is splashed around on ourselves and others. Now our passions, our desires, our world views rule our relationships causing us to covet, to fight and quarrel, and to murder. Even our best relationships are fractured by our pride, lust, and greed. We are damaged.

• Conversations and interactions with others are centered around my world and my interpretations of reality.
• We pursue protecting our world view above truth in our interactions with others.
• We pursue protecting our world above loving the other person.
• We don’t make Christ the center of our relationship because His light exposes our faulty world and makes us unstable.
• We refuse to be corrected and broken, for these things destroy our world view.

In our pride, we don’t realize how evil we truly are. Jesus called us to die to ourselves. If we are willing to choose our pride over our relationships and let our pride destroy our relationships, is it no surprise that we would choose the things of this world over God. It is this holding on to our world and our desiring it above God that brings hell. Thankfully, Jesus has come to destroy our world and in him we can die to ourselves.

Safety is found in brokenness.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. – Psalm 51:17

Thus says the Lord,

“Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool.
Where then is a house you could build for Me?
And where is a place that I may rest?
“For My hand made all these things,
Thus all these things came into being,” declares the Lord.
“But to this one I will look,
To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word. – Isaiah 66:1,2

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.   – Romans 12:1,2

To know Truth, we must die; we must be stripped of our glory.

In the scripture, when men came in the presence of the glory of God, they trembled. Their world fell apart in the light and majesty of God. In Christ, we boldly come to the throne room of God. And in the presence of God, we become broken. Our dependency on ourselves dies; our world views crumble and fall away, and the veil that keeps us from seeing Beauty is stripped away. And as our world crumbles away, we are held in the arms of our Father. God is our refuge, and we are loved. And in His arms, we truly become who we are.

In His loving presence, our daily walk is one of having our man-made “security” stripped away from us and nailed to the cross. We no longer need to look to our own “integrity”. We no longer need to uphold our glory. We instead behold the Lamb of God, who takes away our sin. It is in the cross that we find our true identity. In this act of presenting our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, we rest in God as our refuge, and He boldly takes us into His arms and brings us close to Himself.

Therefore, let this false wisdom fall away, let my world be crushed and my heart broken as God calls me into His Holy presence and I am changed and conformed into the image of Christ and brought into a love that will consume me and make me truly me.

How does this affect our relationships?

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. –  Colossians 3:12-17, ESV

Adam and Eve’s relationship fractured when they pursued their own world view and no longer found their safety in God’s Word. They no longer encouraged each other to trust in God’s Word, but instead sought to defend their own definition of “good and evil”. They were at odds with themselves and God. Through the work and worth of Jesus, God is working in us to learn to intimately find our life in His Word, to rest in Christ’s glory and not our own. The Gospel strips us of our own glory, our own safety, our own righteousness, our own truth and gives us the royal robes of Jesus. It also equips us to speak the Gospel into one another’s life and makes us vulnerable to hearing the gospel spoken into our own lives. Through the brokenness of the gospel, we pursue intimacy with Christ together and in that pursuit our love for one another grows.

• When Christ rules, it is no longer about defending oneself or world view
• There is security in having an authority that is higher than our views on a subject, in conflict we can agree to pursue God’s truth and not our own.
• God’s will is “good and acceptable and perfect”. Our will is not so much. God loves us and his will is safe.
• When God’s will rather than our own desires rule, we can truly pursue each other in freedom.

If we stubbornly hold on and are unwilling to have our world views crushed and broken, and that on a continual and ongoing basis, we will miss out on the goodness and the joy of the Lord, that are found in the wonders of the Gospel.

Questions to Consider:

1. How do you respond to those who bring correction? Do you put up walls or get angry with others who confront you? Do you rejoice in and delight in correction? Do you thank and value those who are willing to bring correction into your life?
2. Do you require people to bring correction in a certain way or jump through hoops before you will listen, or do you value hearing correction regardless of how it is presented?
3. Do you attack those who confront you? Do you admit you were wrong?
4. Do you blame others for your sin? Are you unwilling to be honest about your pride?
5. Do you look for people to affirm you in the midst of your sin, or do seek people who will confront you with the horridness of your sin? Giving God’s command to cut off those things that hinder us from God, which is more beneficial regardless of motives?
6. Is the sin you hold on to so tightly and love, more important than the relationships around you? How long have you allowed it to destroy your relationships? If it is more important to you than those around you, how can you say that it is not more important than God as well?
7. Being broken means being near God, do you pursue safety rather than God’s presence?
8. In a discussion, is your goal to win an argument or to pursue truth? Do you care about winning an argument, if so, why? What does this say about your heart and your pride?
9. What are you willing to do to win an argument? How does this destroy relationships?
10. In a relationship, is it ok if you’re the one who is wrong and the one who needs correction every time or do you want there to be equal blame, equal correction? What does this say about what your worth means to you, your pride?
11. Do you actively pursue where you are wrong? Do you seek out others who will rebuke you or those who will make you feel confirmed?
12. When was the last time your world was shaken to its core? When was the last time you allowed the trembling in God’s presence to restore and heal your heart?
13. Will you take all this lightly, or will you allow these words to sink deeply into your heart and destroy your world? How tightly will you hold onto your sin?

“Know, therefore, that the LORD your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people. Remember and do not forget how you provoked the LORD your God to wrath in the wilderness. From the day you came out of the land of Egypt until you came to this place, you have been rebellious against the LORD.

(Deuteronomy 9:6–7, ESV)

We understand that we cannot have friendship and relationship without vulnerability. But we are all stubborn and tend to put up walls to protect ourselves, not letting others come near. And with these walls we not only keep others away, but the LORD as well.

The LORD’s presence was amongst the Israelites as they encamped and wandered through the wilderness, and yet in their pride they did not understand their need for him, that he was more than the bread they ate or the water they drank, and so that generation could not enter his rest.

As with the Israelites pride keeps us from the LORD though he is not far off. The very thing we do to protect ourselves limits our ability to feel loved, because we are rejecting the very thing that would bring healing and restoration – the exposing our sin and the downfall of our pride. In our pride, we want to present ourselves to the world as something, concerned with the opinions of men. We become trapped in our own pride, trapped in the walls of our own making, instead of trusting and coming to the God who is near, because we are afraid of being exposed and naked. It was the pride of the religious leaders that kept them from seeing Jesus, though he was near and walking in their midst. Pride makes us blind guides, keeping us from seeing the truth. Instead of embracing love, we grumble, and hide from or attack those who would expose our nakedness.

And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” (John 3:19–2, ESV)

We are “like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. [And so,] Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD” (Psalm 32:9,10 ESV, brackets added text). In our madness, to protect ourselves, we chose the darkness and the sorrows of the wicked, rather than the light of the LORD, that exposes and heals our sin.

When the Israelites are standing at the border and are on the precipice of entering the Promised Land, the LORD is clear it is not because of their righteousness that they are able to enter the land. They are still a rebellious people. “Do not say in your heart, after the LORD your God has thrust them out before you, It is because of my righteousness that the LORD has brought me in to possess this land, . . . Not because of your righteousness or the uprightness of your heart are you going to be able to possess their land, but . . .that he may confirm the word that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob’” (Deuteronomy 9:4). There is no place for boasting are pride as we enter the Kingdom of God. No reason to hide that we are rebellious, sinful, and unworthy. God rescues us and drives out our pride because he swore an oath to Jesus. “Know, therefore, that the LORD your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people.” When we seek our own worth, or seek to be seen well by others, we are in rebellion against the Gospel. We miss the point of the Gospel. We are foolish, stubborn, blind, rebellious, mad and we must die to ourselves, we must die to our own efforts. The LORD, alone has conquered the promised land. Instead of pride, we are called to allow others to speak the Gospel into our lives, to expose our sin, and to break down our walls of pride. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” (James 5:16a, ESV). It is as our sin is exposed that we find healing, not in building walls. And as we cease striving, the wonder that we are more than conquerors as we walk in the light shall be evident, not because of anything we have done, for we are a rebellious and foolish people, but because God through Jesus has sworn to give us the land. It is in vulnerability and nakedness that we can experience friendship, intimacy, and love and are clothed in Christ. God is near, not far away. Let us not shrink back in pride, but instead come to him and be held in his embrace.

Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:11–16, ESV)

and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God. (James 2:23, ESV)

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,

nor be weary when reproved by him.

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

(Hebrews 12:5–13, ESV)

God uses his word to expose us, but then washes us with his word and brings healing. Though God’s exposing our sin brings healing, we are “like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you” (Psalm32:9). We want to conquer our sin in our own way. In a way that makes us feel safe. We want to hold on to our pride. We have forgotten the promise of the Gospel,

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,

whose sin is covered.

Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,

and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah

I acknowledged my sin to you,

and I did not cover my iniquity;

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”

and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

(Psalm 32:1–5, ESV)

Healing never comes from protecting our pride. But the love of God for us is immense even in this for it is in this state that God calls to us. “Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, ‘He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us’? But he gives us more grace. Therefore, it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and morn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to morning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (James4:5-10). When we see ourselves as we are, we ought to morn and weep, for our sin is great. But when we understand this, we also understand God’s grace for us, and we no longer have to perform before God or man. We can lay down our performance. Jesus calls to us, “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

One of the reasons we hold on to our pride is because the Gospel does not call us to live alone but calls us to walk this out in community. James is clear that healing comes from hearing the word of God. God’s word comes alive as we experience the body of Christ. We are not meant to hear God’s word alone. The scripture says, “Better is open rebuke, then hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:5,6a). James ends his letter with this, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” As Paul admonishes us to put sin to death, he also encourages us to “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Colossians 3:16). And in this truth, we are not only surrounded by the love of God but the love of the body of Christ.

Walls not only prevent love coming in, they prevent it going out.

You cannot feel loved unless you are willing for your sin to be exposed.

.

“that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word”

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Be open minded

Be Humble – you always have something to learn
• Go into the conversation with an expectation to learn something from the other person
• Regardless of the disagreement, you usually have something to learn, even if it is only how to communicate better.
• Be willing to be proven wrong

Do not make assumptions
• Don’t put your assumptions on the other person
• If you assume or make assumptions about the other person’s views, you will find that you are arguing with a person that only exists in your own imagination, instead of talking to a real person
• Don’t attribute ideas, thoughts, arguments or consequences to your opponent that they do not hold to. This only creates a rift between you and the other person
• Don’t take their statements out of context or out of their intended meaning.
• Don’t assume things about their character, motives, or heart.

Listen
• Work hard to fully understand your opponent’s views, background, and perspectives.
• Give them a chance to clarify.
• Take the time to understand their position from their perspective.
• Ask questions and check with them to see if your understanding of their position is correct.
• Present the opposing view in its strongest form, don’t build a “straw man” and then knock it down.
• Work to be able to present the opposing side in a way that they would say that you were representing their view in an honest way and would comment, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Speak the truth in love
• Engage the person
• Get into the other person’s world. Talk with the person, not at the person. Ask you self, “How do I communicate this in a way that the other person can understand it where they are at?”
• It doesn’t help to prove you are right, if you cannot engage the other person with the truth.
• Be willing to be proven wrong

Goal

The purpose of a conversation is not to defend my position but to help each other grow in the truth. Who cares if I am wrong? What value is there in holding onto a lie? What we want is to align ourselves with what is true. Sometimes that will mean that I have to change my position.

2 Corinthians 4:7-12

1 Corinthians 1:8-10

1 Corinthians 13

Hebrews 12:28-29

Luke 4:18,19

You alluded to the verse “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Funny, I have heard that quoted several times in the last few days. I find it interesting what comes after this.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39)

The promise of all things working together for good does not mean we will not face tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger, or sword. No, for his sake, for our Beloved’s sake, “we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” But what it does mean is that His love breaks through all things no matter how bad for nothing can separate us from the love of our Beloved. It is about being in love. When you’re in love your deepest heart’s desire is not to be separated from the one you love. He breaks through everything, and we are swept away in His arms and by His love and that is truly “good”.

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things: Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died – more than that, who was raised – who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” (Romans 8:31-34)

And indeed, our position is secure in Him and He works all things for our good, “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified”