Be slow to speak, quick to listen

Listening

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. – Proverbs 18:13

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. – Exodus 20:16

We are often too quick to speak into another person’s life. For as we do so, we have already determined what is going on in that person’s heart. We may ask questions, but even those questions are only asked to get the person to see what we already know. And when they speak, we don’t truly listen. And in this we break God’s commandment to not bare false witness against another and to falsely judge our brother.

The scripture teaches us to not be presumptuous toward another. Because of our own sin and pride, we are often blinded by the rod in our own eye. Our rods skew our vision and interpretations of situations. It makes us sure of things that are not true. And because of our pride, we often are unwilling to admit to our skewed interpretations. We don’t want to admit the rod in our own eye, for that would be an embarrassing predicament and make us look foolish as we our insistent in removing the speck out someone else’s eye. For some they are quick to bear false witness, because it keeps the focus on someone else. If people are looking elsewhere they won’t be as apt to see the rod in their eye.

A man of understanding is aware of this. He is aware of how his own sin blinds and skews his vision and how he is so quick to misinterpret another’s heart. He is aware of his own desire to hide his own sin in his pride. He knows because of his own sin that a quick judgment will prove to his folly and shame. He will ask the Lord to search his own heart and expose his sin. And so He will take his weakness to the Lord and will approach with caution, understanding, and a listening heart that seeks to draw out the purposes of a man’s heart.

“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.“

This man will refuse to place his own assumptions on a person, but instead will be patient and will listen. His listening will be purposeful, seeking together with the person to hear God’s truth about the matter.

God does call us to speak into each other’s lives. But it is to be done with patience and understanding and grace. Like exploring deep waters it takes more work than just looking at the surface. And if that is all you are willing to do, then it is to your folly and shame.

God alone knows our hearts fully and we must come to him in order to understand one another and to continue to speak Christ into each other’s lives.

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick;

Who can understand it?

I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind,

Even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.“

So, as we explore one another’s hearts, we must come humbly before God. Both parties must die to themselves, knowing God alone can reveal their hearts.

We are not able to understand our own heart and even so the heart of another. We can however pursue each other in patience and love, allowing God to reveal our own hearts to one another. And we can trust our Father to do this, for he is faithful and true. And this is our pursuit as we come to one another in admonition to die to our own words and to allow the word of Christ to speak into our hearts, that we may together come to know Christ more and more.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.“

Questions:

When you come to someone are you pursuing God and listening to what He has to say about the matter? Or are you pursuing your own version of the “truth”?

How often do you assume the worst or “bear false witness” against others?

The scripture states that it takes understanding to discover the purposes of a man’s heart. How quick are you to accuse the motives of the hearts of others? Do you understand that this is to your folly and shame?

Do you tell the person what they are thinking or feeling?

Do you allow the other person to speak, or do you speak over them?

Do you take the time and effort to listen before coming to a conclusion about someone? When you do listen or ask questions are you truly pursuing the person in love and understanding?